it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Holy shit dude........stairs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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