Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
