Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
