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Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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