The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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