There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
