She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize