I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
