I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
