epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
