The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
