how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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