My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
