No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
