please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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