Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
