I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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