In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
