So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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