What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
