Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
