I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
