No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We're too hungover to prance.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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