So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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