If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
