My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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