Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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