It's like a parade of train wrecks.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
