i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Who died my cat blue again?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
