hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
