So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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