party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
