I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
