apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
