my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
