Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
