i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
FUCK WHALES
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
