fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
