You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
