I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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