this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
did i walk over a car last night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
