..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
