Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
