she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
