I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
