Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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