my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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