This girl is more easily done than said...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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