In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she told me i tasted like america
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
