Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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