Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
