i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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