i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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