If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
