It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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