the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
