I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
