Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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