mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize