1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
