Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
