I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
