I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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