DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
