yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
