I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
