Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
porn star boner night. come get it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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