I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
