i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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