The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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