Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
