I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
