Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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