fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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