I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
