I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize